The sad fact of today: Unless something major changes, I am likely going to end up alone. And it will be my fault.
Sad realization of today: I can't even be vulnerable to my family. The people who are supposed to inspire and foster vulnerability are perhaps the same as those who I feel least comfortable being vulnerable around. How backwards is that?
I can do most kinds of vulnerability - just not with the same person, or even the same group of people. If you could take 8-10 people from different areas of my life and compare truths and openness as it relates to me, you'd probably have a good picture of who I am. But there is no place that those 8-10 meet except in those very real parts of who I am. After (literally) years, sometimes one person might get a few more areas than originally were offered, but never all.
Will I ever be able to be truly vulnerable to someone? This is usually the part of my supposedly-vulnerable blog (that no one reads) where I push the non-reader away and make a generalization or funny comment, but tonight, I'm just afraid. If I can't let myself be vulnerable, I'm afraid my worst fear will come true and I will end up alone. But what is worse: vulnerability betrayed or life alone?
I just don't know. :(
