Friday, June 7, 2013


Have you ever noticed that your inadequacies tend to be glaring to everyone, including yourself, but that the solutions to them are only obvious to others?  This fact is infuriating.

I don't have a ton of friends.  I have very few, actually.  Sure, there are lots of people in my life peripherally that I could casually call a friend, but the number of people who know me at my core, who love me despite the weaknesses they are well acquainted with - it's small.  Like count on one hand and have room to spare small.  And I hold them tightly because vulnerability is the hardest thing for me and when it's given, it isn't lightly. 

Today, though, I envy those who can have many friends, lightly held.  I think it lends itself well to accepting change and moving onward. 

Today, I want to learn to be gracious rather than true to myself.  I'm a polarizing force, as people in my life keep reminding me, and I want to be gracious when the magnets don't attract.  Truth has become easy for me, and instead of being true, I want to extend kindness and mercy and welcome when I don't feel any of those things.  I want to emulate Christ in this way, but I don't know how. 

Today, I need the grace for graciousness.