Grievous Grace

Sometimes, all I can think is "God, what are you doing?!"

Today I heard that a new but very dear friend miscarried her first pregnancy.  I know that she and her husband (also a new, but dear friend) were very excited about this, and to be honest, I was too.  They're the kind of people who NEED to be parents - the ones whose faith, knowledge, personalities, and genes desperately need to be passed on to the next generation, and with their pregnancy, not only they and their family rejoiced, but I did too.  And today, when I heard that the tiny, much loved person in her womb wouldn't make it to meet all who await him/her, I was devastated, as I can only imagine my friends and their loved ones are even more. 

"God," I thought, "What are you doing?!"

I know this will not shake their faith, though I'm sure it will be a trial as all loss is.  And it will not shake the faiths of their loved ones, I would guess, but there's always that question when you're in the grey areas, the dark nights that seem forever:  "God, why?"

And I know that God isn't afraid of those questions.  Cognitively, I know that there's a purpose to this experience for all who are involved and that, like Scripture promises, all things work together for the good of those who love God, who are called according to His purpose (a group in which this couple definitely is included!).  But why the heartbreak?  Why the surprise, the excitement, the blessing?  Why them, God, with their health and responsibility, when irresponsible, unhealthy pregnancies come to term?  Why them, when they have blessed so many others and would do so much more as a family?  Why that baby, why this day, why that way?

So far, all I have are questions, and today I'm struggling with grace in the grievous moments of life.  While praying, begging almost, for peace for them, I'm also praying for understanding, or for grace in my ignorance, so that I can stop questioning and start trusting.  And I'm praying for their future, that they would have confidence, that they would trust the God who made and sustains them, and beg for His grace as I do, and that they would know love more fully because of this.  Even as I pray it, I wonder if it even can happen, let alone will, but then again...that's just the questions talking and I'm waiting for the grace.